Adulthood, the Sequel

It has been quite a while since I updated this sewage drain of a blog. In fact, it's been since late August that I have graced my followers with my presence. I imagine all of you at the bottom of a cavern looking up into the black night sky, and every one of you is hopelessly waiting to see my face just one more time just to hear my ramblings on strange subjects.

Well, with a puzzled expression upon my brow, I now look down into that cavern and hear your excited screams at my appearance.

I have come to follow up on my last post, the one where I contemplated all the "freedoms" of adulthood. I am now eighteen, and my perspective has changed on the matter. College is still a fear of mine, for nobody in my immediate family has ever attended and I have no idea what to expect. However, I can still say that my views on all the freedoms are quite similar. I may be eighteen, but I won't even be obtaining my driver's license until April 20th. That's this Wednesday. I even had to get my permit renewed because I never drove enough to get my license before now. I also will have to pay my own insurance and buy my own car. There goes every "Oh, I'll show my parents once I get a car and can drive anywhere I want anytime I want" dream. I've had a job for nearly two years now, and I've been saving half my weekly paycheck in order to afford a car.

Now here comes the big twist in my thinking. It's come down to money for college, and that limited my choices substantially. I've been accepted into nine colleges. I probably would've been accepted into Yale had I continued the proceedings with them. However, it really came down to two colleges: The University of Tennessee and Maryville College. I really liked both, and both had their weaknesses as well. When it came down to the population of greenbacks in my parents' account and the availability of scholarships from both schools, I ultimately chose UT. Living on campus at Maryville upped the cost another ten grand, whereas it was only another eight thousand at UT. Both are hefty sums, but I can make up the difference easier at UT. Even with the tuition being fully covered by the HOPE and Volunteer scholarships, I still had to worry about room and board.Therefore my mad scholarship dash began. I have applied for seven scholarships in the past week, counting four just today. My point in saying all this is that the money I have in my savings account may end up being spent on college and not a car.

I refuse to let my parents take out loans for me just to attend a university for four years for my undergraduate studies. The only time loans should even be considered is when I decide to get my Master's degree and eventually my Doctorate. I'll even live at home if I have to, even though that prospect is really not all that appealing to me at the moment. It's not that I don't love and appreciate my parents. If it weren't for them, I'd probably be living on the streets and thinking myself quite a fool for decisions I made in my "I believe I know everything about myself and my entire life and who I'll love" phase. However, I crave some independence at this point. Getting to live on campus at UT with one of my two best friends will be a great experience, and it will only prepare me better for the almighty and ever mystic Future.

Being an adult is great, don't get me wrong. It gives me the pleasure of calling peers at my fantastic institution of a high school (that statement is dripping with sarcasm for those of you who don't go there) "children," and I can now legally ring up beer at my job. I can also purchase dry ice and buy any number of things without having to have parents' consent. I also know I truly do have more freedoms than ever before. However, that does not fully take away the fear of what is to come. I am now more responsible for my own actions than I have ever been, and that is both humbling and terrifying.

My word of advice to everyone reading this now is this: live not in the past for too long, nor should you always gaze into the future. I did both of these for much of my life, and it wasn't until this year began I realized I should live closer to the present. Gazing into the future is great and allows for foresight, but do not get trapped in the webbing of "If I do this" or "What will this mean for me then?" Such questions have their place, but focus more on the family and friends you have now. They are your future, and they will help mold you for years and years to come. Also, dwell not too much in the past. You can learn much from your old self, but everything that's been done then can no longer be altered.

So I leave you again for who knows how long. I can hear your cries of desperation as I leave you in the cavern again, but fear not! Next time won't be so long. I remember how much joy writing in this blog once brought me, and I believe I have found it again.